The crows of Rome attacking passers-by, heedless of the reproaches of Carlo Calenda visiting the neighborhood, and the wild boars that pickpocket housewives in the supermarket parking lot: these are just some of the many signs of the animal insurrection taking place in the world. It has just begun. Be ready.
Wild boars There are millions of them and they are no longer afraid of anything or anyone. They gather by the dozen, with no respect for anti Covid regulations, wherever there is something to eat. This behavior is identical to that of humans and has taken ethologists by surprise. It is an unscrupulous animal: some Tuscan wild boars, mingling with the customers, have also entered the trattorias where wild boar with potatoes is served, and without showing any emotion they left only the potatoes on the plates. On the streets of Rome they are now a habitual image and it is very likely that these enterprising pigs will present their own list at the next municipal councils, without even going through the center-left primaries. The electoral slogan, “animals in the Campidoglio”, was however contested by the Lazio TAR because it passes off an achievement already abundantly achieved in recent years as unprecedented.
The program At the first point of their program is the increase of holes in the asphalt, very suitable for mud baths. On the second, an ordinance against the collection of garbage, which must remain available to the people. Rats, which have always been opposed to urban decorum, are also aligned with this position, living as a discrimination of species.
Seagulls In large Italian cities, the numerous seagulls are undergoing a worrying mutation. Thanks to the landfills they can afford a high-calorie diet: some now have a wingspan of six meters, like the pterodactyl, and kidnap passers-by. The few survivors claim that the flight conditions are acceptable, similar to those of Ryanair, but with much shorter boarding times. A leap in quality also in the food supply chain: if before they attacked children to steal their sandwich or ice cream, now they swallow the child directly. This leads to predictable political controversies, with the accusation of communism that the spokesman for the Italian seagulls, Nico, rejects with disdain. «We are apolitical. If anything, with a slight preference for children on the right, who are more protein due to the healthy diet based on fried food and Nutella, while those born in restricted traffic areas are bloodless and skinny due to the organic and vegan mothers “.
Bears There are a few dozen, but very supportive of each other and above all very robust. They claimed to attend the meeting of the Province of Trento in which their fate was decided. Standing on their hind legs, they just stared at each individual counselor from a few inches as he spoke. Surprisingly, all the containment and control rules for bears were abolished and a law was unanimously passed that provides for the electronic collar for tourists, so that bears can monitor their movements, signaling the most restless and noisiest , unsuitable for the alpine environment.
Cows The right of grazing, for millennia the reason for complex disputes between humans, with tons of paperwork and a jurisdiction second only to that which regulates condominium assemblies, is finally revolutionized according to the original, very ancient Codex Bovinus: “Where there is grass, there is the herbivore “. Escaped from the stables by hundreds of thousands, the cows are meticulously devouring everything in their path, with special fury on the terraced houses gardens, in collaboration with sheep, goats, donkeys, horses and mules. Goats, specializing in extreme actions, also gladly consume the median flower beds. In satellite images, a thick layer of manure covers large areas of the planet, so much so that Alberto and Piero Angela are preparing a new television series, “The brown planet”. Due to the abundant fertilization, oaks of one hundred meters, carnivorous petunias and self-standing asparagus up to ten meters in height are expected.